When did life get so complicated?!
Things happen on Eastenders and you think man, that's outrageous, but hey it's Eastenders, this shit doesn't happen in normal life... right? I wish! It turns out that apparently it does! Honestly, the Eastenders script writers would have had a field day with some of the goings on around here the last few months. You wouldn't even believe half the stuff that's happened even if I told you. Some of it sounds like nothing but isn't quite as 'nothing' as it sounds and some of it sounds crazy and is, well... just actual crazy!
Worst thing is I thought, despite the previous closure and many attempts to let go and move on, that the love of my life was someone worth being there for and supporting and helping through and being there for until the end of the crazy. And yes, even when I tried to walk away to save myself, I never really gave up hope that crazy was just a phase (in my defence he gave me signs and suggestions to back this idea up) and that one day we'd be reunited even if I'd moved out or tried to move on, but regardless of that I, for some stupid reason said sod me, lets make sure he's ok. Well that certainly back fired didn't it?
So crazy is out the picture now, or is supposed to be ...who knows if she really is or if she's just plotting her next move. And although I always thought we would get through anything (including crazy!) now I'm not so sure. I can't be the only one fighting for it, if I am there's no hope.
Re-reading old messages from him, reminding myself why I deemed him worth remaining loyal to all this time, I also realised something. Despite his promises of spending the rest of his life with me until the day after my 101st birthday (it's a long story) ...he actually only wanted to be with me (well keep me captive in the bedroom, which thinking of the film Misery I may have misunderstood!) until the day after my 91st. A simple mis-calculation in the excitement of love or a bad omen from the start?
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