Internet heaven. Go check it out... www.pinterest.com
Sunday, 15 January 2012
Pinterest.com
Internet heaven. Go check it out... www.pinterest.com
Saturday, 14 January 2012
Song of the day: Angus & Julia Stone - Yellow Brick Road (live)
How beautiful does the guitar (electric one that is) sound? I have fallen in love with this.
Break through
It's strange how sometimes when you're told something you're head and heart battle it out ...and in some cases don't accept it as fact. And I guess this was the case for a lot of this break up so far. I kept being told it's over and hearing "it'll all work out in the end". But a few nights ago I had a 'breakthrough' moment.
Some tickets for a gig at the O2 arrived through the post for him. Just out of interest I casually asked who he was going to see ...seemed like a great way to start a conversation... I'm pretty sure that when he answered I failed to hide my immediate urge to punch him though. Basically, when we were last at the O2 together I saw the billboard for, and suggested us going to see a certain stand up comedian to celebrate my 29th birthday later this year. I mentioned it again several times but he made it clear he didn't want to. Yet he has now bought tickets to that same show and is going with his new mates. It's not the fact he's going with his mates that bothers me though. It's the fact he says one thing and does another.
And that's when it hit me. He is being two faced, and lying and only looking out for himself to a ridiculous extent. I am all up for looking out for yourself but there is no harm in caring for those around you at the same time, and there is never a need to lie to your supposed best friend and love of your life. I felt the need to mention to him my list of pros and cons regarding the whole breaking up situation and he said that he had done the same thing, written his own pros and cons. But when I asked him what was on his list he couldn't tell me. Well...enough is enough.
Throughout all of this I have genuinely believed him to be going through something (he definitely isn't truly happy right now, you can see it in his eyes). But the man he is right now I don't want to spend my life with. I'm not sure I even like him that much. If what I believe to be the true him (caring, smart, funny, independent, charming, loving, happy and so much more) ever returns ...well he's a man who'll know where I'll be found.
Some tickets for a gig at the O2 arrived through the post for him. Just out of interest I casually asked who he was going to see ...seemed like a great way to start a conversation... I'm pretty sure that when he answered I failed to hide my immediate urge to punch him though. Basically, when we were last at the O2 together I saw the billboard for, and suggested us going to see a certain stand up comedian to celebrate my 29th birthday later this year. I mentioned it again several times but he made it clear he didn't want to. Yet he has now bought tickets to that same show and is going with his new mates. It's not the fact he's going with his mates that bothers me though. It's the fact he says one thing and does another.
And that's when it hit me. He is being two faced, and lying and only looking out for himself to a ridiculous extent. I am all up for looking out for yourself but there is no harm in caring for those around you at the same time, and there is never a need to lie to your supposed best friend and love of your life. I felt the need to mention to him my list of pros and cons regarding the whole breaking up situation and he said that he had done the same thing, written his own pros and cons. But when I asked him what was on his list he couldn't tell me. Well...enough is enough.
Throughout all of this I have genuinely believed him to be going through something (he definitely isn't truly happy right now, you can see it in his eyes). But the man he is right now I don't want to spend my life with. I'm not sure I even like him that much. If what I believe to be the true him (caring, smart, funny, independent, charming, loving, happy and so much more) ever returns ...well he's a man who'll know where I'll be found.
Thursday, 12 January 2012
Currently listening to...
The Sian and Sarah playlist is off to an amazing start. This is going to be epic.
First viewing done
...and the house was lovely. It had a kitchen/diner ...with a gorgeous breakfast bar and stools. (I should mention I have ALWAYS wanted a breakfast bar! I would literally consider renting the house just for that reason. Turn that kitchen in to my classy but kitch 1950's-diner-esque dream and sit at the breakfast bar sipping coffee. Perfect.) As for the rest of the house, the rooms were all a really good size and it has sooo much storage. In fact inside the house itself didn't have a single negative. But it isn't my first choice location, and that is a downside, quite a big downside. So more viewings to come and a few decisions to be made.
Taking the positives
The most frustrating thing about all this, is that breaking up has shown us where we went wrong, which is actually a great positive because it shows us how we can be together without those wrongs. We could both continue with our new found independence yet still have the support, love and affection of our best friend there for those times that we need it.
In getting back together we could share the cost of living with two full time incomes on one home ...leaving us both more money to spend and save! (I dread to think how much the actual break up itself is going to cost us both). By saving money we could afford more holidays together ...and separately with our friends of course... I'm not giving up my girlie adventure with Lady H that is planned! We could clear out and renovate the garage into a guitar room/band practise area for him and I could fund my own hobbies and finally get that garden looking all nice and tidy and pretty ...and perhaps even save for that piano I've always wanted. Basically we would both be living life together but without relying on or taking advantage of the other. Just enjoying it day by day. And of course we could both be truly happy without that niggle-ly horrible feeling of a broken heart that's being held together by some very unreliable tape! But this is all irrelevant right now. And there are many positives to be taken from moving on too...
One of those positives being a new home for me and the kids. This evening I'm off to my first house viewing ...a lovely looking three bedroom house in quite a nice area. Just think the kids will have a bedroom each! (They currently share bunk beds in our two bed maisonette). Not to mention I'll have space to grow my freelance business from home. And I can finally invest in a wardrobe that has ample space for my clothes and pretty things ...unless of course I decide the boys can remain sharing to allow the third room to become my walk-in-wardrobe! Ha. It's all quite exciting! But lets not get ahead of ourselves before I've even viewed the first property!
In getting back together we could share the cost of living with two full time incomes on one home ...leaving us both more money to spend and save! (I dread to think how much the actual break up itself is going to cost us both). By saving money we could afford more holidays together ...and separately with our friends of course... I'm not giving up my girlie adventure with Lady H that is planned! We could clear out and renovate the garage into a guitar room/band practise area for him and I could fund my own hobbies and finally get that garden looking all nice and tidy and pretty ...and perhaps even save for that piano I've always wanted. Basically we would both be living life together but without relying on or taking advantage of the other. Just enjoying it day by day. And of course we could both be truly happy without that niggle-ly horrible feeling of a broken heart that's being held together by some very unreliable tape! But this is all irrelevant right now. And there are many positives to be taken from moving on too...
One of those positives being a new home for me and the kids. This evening I'm off to my first house viewing ...a lovely looking three bedroom house in quite a nice area. Just think the kids will have a bedroom each! (They currently share bunk beds in our two bed maisonette). Not to mention I'll have space to grow my freelance business from home. And I can finally invest in a wardrobe that has ample space for my clothes and pretty things ...unless of course I decide the boys can remain sharing to allow the third room to become my walk-in-wardrobe! Ha. It's all quite exciting! But lets not get ahead of ourselves before I've even viewed the first property!
Retail therapy
Obviously one of the best ways to get a quick hit of happiness is to buy pretty things. (Even better if they're pretty things that can be worn again and again for multiple hits of happiness!)
As luck would have it all the people that know me best gave me gift vouchers for Christmas, which funded these amazing purchases. I love love love my new green dress! And seriously... how cute are these earrings?
As luck would have it all the people that know me best gave me gift vouchers for Christmas, which funded these amazing purchases. I love love love my new green dress! And seriously... how cute are these earrings?
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
I'm FINE!
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I have to be, I have to get on with things. But it's typical that when having a moment of overall 'I don't want to be house hunting, who's going to get the good frying pan, why is this happening to me' weakness the ex ...who of course we especially want to show we're fine too... walks in. (Yes, for now we are still stuck living together, a situation I'm working on). "Hey ...er, you ok?"
"Yes I'm fine"
"Sure?"
"Yep"
"Promise?"
"Yep, I'm fine"
Now of course being "fine" would have all been more convincing if I'd been able to look at him instead of keeping my red, welled up eyes fixated on the TV. I don't think he was fooled at all. And the worst part is he is the one person I really do want to turn to AND he cared enough to ask three times before leaving me to it! (I should probably explain that this break up is not because we don't love each other ..although clearly he doesn't love me enough or it wouldn't be happening). The rules are different now though ...I'm not sure who set them and who changed them but they just are. I have to be stronger.
I have to be, I have to get on with things. But it's typical that when having a moment of overall 'I don't want to be house hunting, who's going to get the good frying pan, why is this happening to me' weakness the ex ...who of course we especially want to show we're fine too... walks in. (Yes, for now we are still stuck living together, a situation I'm working on). "Hey ...er, you ok?"
"Yes I'm fine"
"Sure?"
"Yep"
"Promise?"
"Yep, I'm fine"
Now of course being "fine" would have all been more convincing if I'd been able to look at him instead of keeping my red, welled up eyes fixated on the TV. I don't think he was fooled at all. And the worst part is he is the one person I really do want to turn to AND he cared enough to ask three times before leaving me to it! (I should probably explain that this break up is not because we don't love each other ..although clearly he doesn't love me enough or it wouldn't be happening). The rules are different now though ...I'm not sure who set them and who changed them but they just are. I have to be stronger.
Always best to start at the beginning.
When 'the one' leaves you it feels like life is over. Of course it isn't. Life still goes on. And it's up to me ...or you if you happen to be on a similar path... to continue to make it amazing and worth the ride. Maybe one day me and my 'the one' will be reunited again, maybe we won't, but for now it's all about pushing past just surviving and keeping up with being amazing (in my own little way) and most importantly happy.
Miss Monroe famously said "Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world". So I just need to find the right shoes and there'll be no stopping me...
Miss Monroe famously said "Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world". So I just need to find the right shoes and there'll be no stopping me...
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